I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
