i would punch a child for taco bell
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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