after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
