I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
