I need help removing her.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
