those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
