Duck Duck Cougar?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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