Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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