I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
