I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
