goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I love you. Go after that dick
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
