you have to choose: penises or morals?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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