end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
