Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dignity is for republicans.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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