Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
