i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
