bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
