we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
