just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
