Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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