awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
