I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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