I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
