I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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