she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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