Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think your dad took our porno
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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