I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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