It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
