Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
