Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
