what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
