Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I smell like Dick and happiness
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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