Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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