I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
