While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
