I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
