Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
