Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
