so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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