she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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