for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
