R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
