Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
