Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
