I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
