I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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