hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I am available for nakedness
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
