I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
