We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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