I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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