Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
